Rudolph the Unvaxed Reindeer (re-imagined for 2021)
Its not hard to re-imagine Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer for 2021
"Not-Right Players" Present..
Scene 1 : Introduction
"If i live to be a hundred i'll never be able to forget the Vax Mandate of 2021. Freedoms frosted over, society died, and well you might not believe it but the world almost missed Christmas
Its nice around here isn't it i call it, Christmas Town better known as the North Pole
Scene 2 : Mrs Claus Scolds Santa
"Papa you haven't touched a morsel! I'll have to take the suit in!"
"I'm busy mama it's almost Christmas!"
"Have you ever heard of a skinny Santa? Eat!"
"Mamma! You know I'm trying to watch my diet for my health. My doctor doesn't like my numbers."
"Papa, you got the shot, you don't need to worry about those comorbidities anymore. I realize morbid obesity is the #1 contributor to COVID deaths but that doesn't matter anymore. Eat! Eat!"
Scene 3 : Santa visits Rudolph
"Well, Donner, if Rudolph wants to pull my sleigh one day, he will need the COVID shot, its approved for children 5 to 11 now (we'll find out what the effects are later)"
"You see little fellow, there's no room on my team for any Reindeer that doesn't worship Dr Fauci and comply with Joe Brandon's mandates."
[music, Santa Sings]
"jingle jingle jingle
you can see my team of 8
i am old kris kringle
i'm the king of vax mandates
jingle jingle reindeer
through the frosty air they'll go
they are not just plain deer
they're the facist deer i know"
Scene 4: Rudolph first encounters the Abominable Joe Brandon
Young Rudolph enjoyed his typical childhood, until he attained years sufficient to enter public school..
That is when he first encountered..
The Abominable Joe Brandon
Scene 5: Herbie expresses his desire for an exemption
Herbie's objection is mocked, and his peers are encouraged to ostracize and harass him into compliance. Chants of "Herbie doesn't want the shot" ring through the hall. "You got all the other vaccines, why can't you get this one?" Herbie points out "No means No.. wasn't that what we covered in the Sexual Harassment seminar? Consent applies to more than sex!"
"You see, I've been doing my own research and according to the government's own data, the COVID vaccines have racked up an astounding 18 thousand deaths and 28 thousand permanently disabled. This is more than all other vaccines on the market since they began collecting statistics in 1990."
"In 2019, 4.1 billion vaccines were given and the odds of any significant injury were 1 in 480,595. You mentioned how I got the Flu Shot, well 1.8 billion flu shots were given in 2019 and the odds of significant injury were 1 in 361,892."
"According to a study in 2005 by Harvard, commissioned by HHS, the reports in VAERS represent only 1% of the actual adverse reactions. If we just assume 10% are being captured, the odds of a reportable injury are 1 in 55, of myocarditis 1 in 4,151, of hospitalization 1 in 535, of permanent disability 1 in 3,381, and death of 1 in 2,629! How is this safe? It seems like the CDC, FDA, and Joe Brandon are more committed to pharmaceutical profits than the safety of the recipients."
[Manager makes circling "crazy" gesture.]
"Listen here, there will be no waivers, get the Damned Shot! Now GET TO WORK!"
[Music]
"We are Santa's Elves
We clear off the shelves
We shop till we drop
'Cause he won't let us stop
We are Santa's Elves
We work hard all day
There is no time to play
Our hours are long
Except for this song
We are Santa's Elves"
Herbie slips out the window in a "sick out" work slowdown (Elves are slaves, they don't have the right to strike).
Scene 6 : Rudolph attends Public School
Rudolph really enjoyed his first day at school. He was making friends, enjoying sports.
Then the Coach recognizes that Rudolph hasn't had the Vaccine and encourages mocking and bullying towards Rudolph "We won't let Rudolph play in ANY of our Reindeer games." "Rudolph the Unvaxed Reindeer"
Despite their mocking and feeling alone, Rudolph networks with others who feel the same way he does and realizes he's not alone at all.
Scene 7 : Rudolph and Herbie Join Forces
Herbie and Rudolph decide to join forces, pool their knowledge and contact their Congressmen. This mandate is unconstitutional and will be defeated, they need only hold their ground.
[music]
We're a couple of misfits
We're a couple of misfits
Vaccine mandates are for nitwits
We will never give in!
We're not daffy and dilly
Don't go 'round willy nilly
Seems to us kinda silly
That we don't fit in.
We may be different from the rest
Who decides the test
Of what is really best?
We're a couple of misfits
We're a couple of misfits
Vaccine mandates are for nitwits
We will never give in!"
They have to quickly flee to safety as the Abominable Joe Brandon demands to see their Vaccine Passport.
Scene 8 - Rudolph and Herbie meet Yukon Cornelius - Virologist
"Gadzooks! The Abominable Joe Brandon strikes again! But we will defeat him without superior intelligence."
[Lots of roaring, empty threats, and generally incomprehensible gibberish]
Yukon Cornelius confounds the Abominable Joe Brandon (the Bumble as he calls him) by asking him hard questions the media never does. "Why does the data from Israel and the UK show the vaccine is ineffective, those with it are still being infected, and the numbers of cases among the vaccinated are rapidly outstripping the unvaxed in an environment of over 80% vaccination?" Brandon fails to prevent them from escaping because they chose to employ private transportation and avoid his mask and vaccine mandates for commercial travel.
Knowing the Bumble's one weakness, they build a raft of facts and escape his grasp.
Scene 9 - The Island of Misfits
Herbie, Rudolph, and Yukon Cornelius ride the raft of facts to the Island of Misfits (some call it Florida) and meet other freedom-minded, fact-oriented misfits like themselves.
They meet King DeSantis who grants them leave to spend the night, but admonishes them to return to their homeland and spread the truth they have learned.
Knowing that the Abominable Joe Brandon has targeted him because of his protests, Rudolph chooses to return alone rather than endanger his friends.
While the Abominable Joe Brandon kept him on the run, canceling him from venues and social media, Rudolph was still able to spread the truth by meeting with like-minded people in coffee shops.
Rudolph returns to Christmas Town to the jeers of the same fools (just older), although there were fewer of them now, having mysteriously died of the COVID they were promised to be immune from, or other illnesses that certainly DID NOT have anything to do with their shot, or so they were told. Rudolph was older now, knew more science, had even more data, and didn't give one rat's ass about their taunts.
He runs into Santa, who tells him he has so many sick reindeer and manpower shortages, and supply-chain issues he might have to cancel Christmas this year.
Then a total financial shit-storm of Biblical proportions hit, skyrocketing gas and energy prices. Millions in the cold dark winter. It seemed Christmas was doomed for sure.
Scene 10 - Defeat of the Abominable Joe Brandon
None too soon, Rudolph confronts the Abominable Joe Brandon as he's about to force his vaccine mandate on Rudolph's friends and family.
Braving the likely leaks in the Abominable's adult diaper, Rudolph presses his defense with unassailable facts and logic.
Alas, Rudolph thought that facts, logic, and the Constitution were sufficient, but the Abominable Joe Brandon had weaponized every part of the government against him. Soon he found himself bludgeoned unconscious by the FBI and IRS.
All seemed lost for Rudolph and his friends - locked away in a DC prison without charges or trial, kept in solitary confinement and subjected to abuse formerly reserved for terrorists.
However, Rudolph's friends Herbie and Yukon Cornelius had come to his rescue. Luring the Abominable Joe Brandon from his lair with offers of ice cream, Yukon Cornelius drops a "Friend of the Court Brief" and "Federal Court Injunction" he brought from the land of the Misfits on Abominable's head.
Then the Supreme Court ruled on the case, removing all of the Abominable's Teeth, making him a Humble Bumble "He's nothing without his chompers!" yells Yukon Cornelius
Scene 11 - Rudolph saves Christmas
Rudolph and his friends rush to Santa's aid, saving Christmas and helping get his supply and transportation issues back on track.
Herbie's boss welcomes him back to the workplace and promises to make it up to him.
Even the Abominable Joe Brandon makes a re-appearance, but this time de-fanged and placated with ice cream he's actually doing something productive and he's qualified to do.
Everything in Christmas Town was joyous again. They even had Christmas in the Isle of Misfits (some call it Florida), and grandparents could spend time with their grandchildren again!
With the vaccine mandate, mask mandates, and vaccine passports declared illegal, Misfits were free to travel once again!